Why does this happen?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement and Being Successful' started by Swastik, Dec 15, 2008.

  1. Swastik

    Swastik
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    I started my online journey this year, made a lot of mistakes in the meantime. I made a lot of friends as well, some were supportive at times and some just disappeared after their work was complete.

    I've struggled the whole year, learned from my mistakes (a lot of them..:rolleyes: ). I've wasted the better part of the year in partnerships and was dumped, I learned my lessons.

    When I decided to manage everything on my own, and am being a little successful in what I do - everyone (except a few) seems to be pushing me down. They're spreading bad vibes about me, lobbying etc.

    They are also a bit discouraging. For example, When I tried the product flip, all were saying it would be a big fail, I won't be able to hit it etc. When I actually did what I wanted to, they were saying that it's nothing I've done, I've lied to people, scammed them. :confused:

    Now, whenever I make a mistake, they're all up against me. I'm also a human, I can also commit mistakes. When I apologize for my mistakes, they'll just say that it's not about mistakes, it's about your ability to do things. You cannot do X, Y or Z etc.

    This is really disturbing, especially because I've never tried to put them down or something. I am trying to put these things back, and move ahead, but it's really disturbing..

    As of today, there is no helping hand to whatever I do, on the internet. No one pushes me up, or helps with my projects. I try to complete everything on my own, outsourcing a lot of things I can't do. When I complete the project I work on, there is again those bunch of people spreading bad things.

    It's really a hindrance to my work, I cannot focus as much when I see, and/ or think about those.
     
    #1 Swastik, Dec 15, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2008
  2. Kay

    Kay
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    The short answer? JEALOUSY. They're so filled with the green eyed monster they can't see straight.

    The long answer: It's so much easier for people to put others down than succeed themselves in business. Some unfortunately turn it into an art form and you're just getting your first tastes of that. Please, please do NOT let them drag you down! You'll come across this in life often and you'll make a choice (and it is a choice).

    You'll either take on board what they say and give up, decide you were nuts to even think you could succeed. Or, you'll keep doing what you're doing and judge by your results if you're on the right track or not. You have to believe in yourself before anyone else will, you know that.

    But let's look at the facts. We know you've been doing well already from what you've told us in other threads about your website flipping and book. You know you've been doing well already. So why stop now just because others say it won't work? It HAS worked!

    Hold on until I get my meter out and just check what your so called buddies are saying against it.
    [​IMG]
    Yep, it's all nonsense. :D


    This kind of thing makes me mad, it really does. Envy and jealousy are both very destructive emotions but even more so for them, not you! Unless of course you allow their influence to change what you do. Which you won't. Because we all know here you're too smart for that. In fact if anything it should spur you on to greater things.

    Now see this here that you said? And this is an important point I'm going to make.

    Hmm...let's see here. Where's my post I made just two days ago?

    I coulda sworn I was trying to give a helping hand and pushing you up there. ;) Seriously, don't let them sway how you're feeling, Swastik. Not everyone is against you. I'm trying to help you and I'm sure if I wasn't too lazy to look I could find more examples on this forum alone where others have been encouraging and offered help in one way or another too. Rise above it and keep working hard. Shake it all off and you'll do just fine. :)

    Now on the practical side, if you tell us exactly what you need help with, then maybe some of us can give you some support on that or help you find what you need. That's why we're all here, you included. Stay cool!
     
  3. Swastik

    Swastik
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    Thanks Kay, that was really amazing.

    I'm not weak, so I'm not going to be let down and leave things. I'll continue to do what I do, but they're a hindrance. Maybe a better thing would be to not talk to them?

    And I'm sorry for that statement. I should have told that those bunch of people who were my friends are not there to help me anymore. This suits better. :D:D

    Edit : And infact, I got an amazing story in PM right now by sci-fi. Thanks sci-fi! :D
     
    #3 Swastik, Dec 16, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2008
  4. Fergal

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    Swastik, I'm very sorry to hear that you have had these negative comments. It is very brave of you to discuss them so openly here and to share how they are affecting you. I hope that the support you get in this forum helps even in a small way to keep you motivated and moving forward.

    You have built some very impressive websites and forums. The fact that you have created these sites is enough in itself for you to be very proud of them. But on top of creating such quality sites you have managed to sell them and profit from them, which is another great achievement.

    I think that statement shows that negative people who begrudge your success are starting to get you down a little, which is completely understandable. Maybe it would help if you made a very conscious effort to look for the positive. A gratitude journal, as mentioned in another thread, might help. This is where you write down a couple of things that you are grateful for every day.

    As you begin to see and recognise more positive things, you will find that more that more positive things will come your way in the future. It's like when you get a new car, you suddenly notice lots of the same type of car and wonder why there are suddenly so many cars like the one you just bought. Obviously they were always there, but now your mind is more perceptive to them and it appears that there are a lot more of them.

    You could also try using some positive affirmations, this can really be very helpful. Spend some time trying to figure out a positive, motivating phrase that works for you and then repeat it to yourself a few times a day. An example might be something like "I'm enjoying running my profitable online business". Using affirmations in this way will help you to see more opportunities that will be helpful and supportive to you.

    On a related note, you should try to look on your so called "mistakes" as being positive. They taught you what you needed to know in order to achieve your successes. They were in fact a necessary form of learning.

    You might also get some benefit from reading the posts on the impact that the people you spend your time with, have on you, in this thread.

    Good luck with it all, enjoy the journey and please do keep us updated as to how it is working out for you.
     
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  5. Swastik

    Swastik
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    Thanks Fergal.

    I'm trying to look at the positive side of things from now on. Leave those things back, and move on. The story from sci-fi was truly a very good one, I got to not listen to those who are spreading bad vibes.

    Of course, criticism is required for success, but being way too negative is a real hindrace. But I'll move on. I'll learn from mistakes I committed in the past and move on.

    I think the problem with me is that I pay too much attention to what others have to say about my works. And I like when people tell where I was mistaken, but when they start questioning my abilities, that is sometimes disheartening.

    But again, as you people said, I'll move on. :)
     
  6. Nazreen

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    Most relationships, whether it be a personal relationship or business partnership, usually start on a good note. At first, you might think that your business partner is an ideal partner but eventually come into a conclusion that they're not. Some relationships are meant to be and sadly, some are not.

    I'd have to say that those that are not meant to be oftentimes end up badly with both parties criticizing each other, blaming and even shouting at each other. This doesn't always have to be the case, however. I've always believed that we should also end the relationship in the same way as when we started - on a good note.

    When you said that you were dumped in your partnerships, were there any heated words that were exchanged between you and your ex-partners Swastik? If there is, it would be good to come clean and apologize for your part in that heated exchange. This will pave the way to ending the business relationship on a good note. With that, you and your partners can go on your separate ways without anyone holding a grudge against the other. Ending the relationship on a good note doesn't always happen though but the important thing to remember is that we tried.

    Kay and Fergal has also mentioned about that little green-eyed monster called jealousy. I'm sure that you've also felt this emotion at one point in your life. This can either be viewed as positive or negative. It's positive if you let it motivate you to try to emulate and achieve the thing that you're jealous about. On the other hand, it's negative if you make it your twisted goal to degrade and pull them down, like telling lies about them or bad-mouthing them.

    In your case, I guess it's the latter. Jealousy grew in the hearts of your ex-partners so that they are telling lies about you. If what they're telling about you is totally baseless and are absolute lies, then you don't have anything to worry about. Just ignore them because you know the truth.
     
  7. Fergal

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    That is actually excellent advice Nazreen. It is very important to forgive those that have wronged us. Not for their benefit but for our own. Forgiving others allows us to put the past behind us and get on with building our lives.

    Another important point to remember is that you are 100% responsible for how you react to the way others treat you. There is only so much you can do to influence how people treat you, but you are 100% responsible for how you react to this treatment. Does the negative behaviour of others motivate you or demotivate you? You decide, you are 100% responsible.
     
  8. Swastik

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    No, I was simply dumped over and someone else took my place. When I asked for a reason, no explanations were given. But I guess it was my fault. I should have had proofs of things going on, I just believed too much on the partner. Lessons learned!

    Yes. I'm the one who decides how I tackle that kind of behavior. I'm trying to be positive, learn from my mistakes and move on. If someone is spreading bad vibes, it does not mean the end of the world. Let them do their work, and I shall continue with mine.

    But sometimes, it feels bad when "those people" do that to me. Not that it is the world to me, but yeah I've thought them to be good friends, so unexpected behavior sometimes turns me off for some time.
     
  9. Kay

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    Excellent story there from sci-fi, I liked that a lot! :D


    Entirely your choice there. I know now I consciously try to surround myself with positive people and wish I'd done it years ago. Nazreen is right though, if you do end it and can do so on a positive note, that's best. Sometimes doing nothing and just letting the relationship die a natural death works too. You don't need to have a big drama.

    You're only human, Swastik. Of course it feels bad. Unwarranted criticism is all the more hurtful when it comes from people you consider friends but no one ever promised us life would be without its more unpleasant moments. The tough times shape us just as much as the successes.

    I have three friends of my own I've had for thirty years since we were in school. I know I can count on them anytime I need them even if we haven't seen each other in a year, as they do me. Yet I have others that were in my life a year or two and we drifted apart. Friendships come and go over the years as both you and they change. Sometimes they outgrow us and sometimes we outgrow them, and other times they last forever. It's part of life. :)
     
  10. Nazreen

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    The Miller, His Son, and Their Ass

    I think that Aesop's Fable about The Miller, His Son, and Their Ass also applies to your situation Swastik. You must always remember that you cannot please everybody. If you try, you'll just lose your ass. :)
     
  11. scifi

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    Hi Swastik!
    Well sooner or Later one has to face such situations in life.. You & me are lucky enough to have faced such situation very early in life because it has made us prepared to deal with many such situation if ever they come again in our way ... It is better if we keep on learning from such situation & applies the same lesson to our life.. Infact such situations make us a stronger & stronger each time we face one; so that we may not feel weak; when we have to deal with even bigger problems than these, in Life!!!
     
  12. Swastik

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    Yeah, and with such great people around, I'm being positive and working towards my goals, no matter what people say. I accept criticism, as it helps me progress. But negativity is a hindrance, so I'll just leave it out.
     
  13. scifi

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    Thats the way of Life & now I must say that you are on the right track dude!!!
    Well company of good people will be good for you only as discussed in this thread by Fergal!!
     

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