BAF PLEASE help me with my cover letter !

Discussion in 'Self Improvement and Being Successful' started by allygz, Apr 4, 2012.

  1. allygz

    allygz
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    Hello! I am currently applying for jobs and I needed some advice on my cover letters. I think it might be too long/wordy? Looking for specific grammar help and feedback I am mostly looking for entry marketing positions. I would really appreciate a 2nd opinion and critic.

    Below I will post the 2 cover letter I have been sending out. If I could get some specific feedback of what needs changing that would be great. I have not been getting a lot of responses back so I think this could really help. Thank you so much ;)

    COVER LETTER #1
    Dear Carat Hiring Team:

    I read your advertisement for a Media Planner with great interest. If you are seeking to augment your media team with an experienced and ambitious marketing professional known for substantial planning and execution skills, please consider my enclosed resume.

    As EFator Inc's Marketing Coordinatior, I assisted all projects of both the creative and technical elements of online marketing initiatives including media strategies, brand development, project coordination, internal communication, customer support, as well as CRM and administrative assistance.

    Perhaps most importantly, I offer a history of proven results, as evidenced by the following marketing accomplishments for my past employer:
    • Original designer of EFactor EDU, a social network for young entrepreneurs. Resulting in expansion to a new audience, almost doubling our brand exposure
    • Sales increased 35% during my tenure as the email marketing coordinator of the international business newsletter
    • As the Project Manager for the “Million Member” campaign I lead my team to develop interactive videos and marketing materials, advancing EFactor's online media

    I have experienced Carat as the world's world's largest integrated marketing and media services company first hand. During my time in the Netherlands, I remember passing the Carat building in Amsterdam and speaking to a few of the employees. I was impressed by their positive remarks of the company. Now that I am back in San Francisco, I would like to be apart of that award winning media agency.

    Given the opportunity, I’m confident in my ability to achieve similar groundbreaking media marketing results for Carat & Aegis Media.

    I would welcome the chance to discuss your marketing objectives and ways I can help you attain them. Feel free to call me at 818-795-4828 to arrange a meeting. I look forward to speaking with you.

    Sincerely,

    Alexandria Garcia


    COVER LETTER 2
    Dear Kabam Hiring Manager,

    As an ambitious marketing professional, your current search for a Email Marketing Associate immediately drew my attention. My 3 years of email campaigns and marketing strategies together with my BA in Communications & Business Management, is in perfect line with Kabam’s email marketing needs.

    I have been a proud fan and supporter of Kabam games, playing Kings of Camelot in my dorm room was my favorite distraction during college. Now I would like to support the marketing team in the San Francisco office.

    I offer substantial organizational skills in creating marketing strategies and executing those objectives in email campaigns and newsletters. I have demonstrated these qualified functions in a variety of fast paced environments, spanning from internet startups in San Francisco to entertainment companies in the Netherlands.

    Most recently as the Marketing & Event Coordinator of EFactor, my work included inbound marketing, providing the executive-tier with office management, and coordinating national networking events through various media channels. Some quantifiable results achieved:
    • Original designer of EFactor EDU, a social network for young entrepreneurs. Resulting in expansion to a new audience, almost doubling our brand
    exposure
    • Sales increased 35% during my tenure as the email marketing coordinator of the international business newsletter
    • As the Project Manager for the “Million Member” campaign I lead my team to develop interactive videos and marketing materials, advancing
    EFactor's online media

    In addition, I have built a rapport for indulging in fun startup culture and having a good sense of humor.

    I am available to discuss the ways in which my advancements in email marketing could benefit your organization and its success. I welcome the opportunity to meet at your earliest convenience. Looking forward to speaking with you.


    Best,

    Alexandria Garcia
     
  2. MichaelAllen

    MichaelAllen
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    This is the basic type that most execs or hiring managers see every day. Consider the following

    Make a stronger impression on the person reading your letter, the time span in which you have to grab the readers attention is less than a minute. Thank of it like this "How would the employer benefit from hiring you" Of course all of your qualifications are in your resume but remember the readers time span, this is very important.

    This is one of my favorite lines I have ever found when it comes to a cover letter.


    Real Estate Agent

    In my previous position, I sold dirt...for millions of dollars. But if you asked my real estate clients what they had purchased, they would describe their soon-to-be-built, luxury high-rise condominium homes. It's that kind of pre-sales success that I offer your firm, and I am very interested in joining your team.


    I hope this helps your second letter is more on track but I think with some creativity you could make it a little better.

    Remember "What can you offer them" and "Already know as much as you can about the company" do research on the company when it comes to an interview already knowing about the company and the direction there going or a certain project they recently did is a great conversation starter and also shows that you did your homework and actually want to work there.
     
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