How to communicate well with your spouse

Discussion in 'Self Improvement and Being Successful' started by abohadi, Feb 20, 2009.

  1. abohadi

    abohadi
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    If you’re dreaming of building a beautiful nest where you can live with your spouse, you must build a mutual trust and understanding in your marriage. You won’t realize this dream unless each party has the desire and ability to communicate well with the other.
    Tell you how to do that?

    1. Express your needs:
    Start with expressing your needs clearly and assertively and encourage your spouse to do the same. When a person feels that he/she cannot express their needs to the other person, he/she cannot trust the other. So don’t be afraid of rejection or feeling ashamed if you express your needs to your partner because a couple cannot live with each other unless they can meet each other’s needs consistently.

    2. Treat well:
    We naturally understand and trust people who treat us nicely and show interest for us. A crucial component of good communication is showing the other that you are interested in pleasing him/her. If we add mutual respect, we will then be able to make our marriage a success.

    3. Solve your problems instantly:
    Don’t procrastinate solving your problems because when issues don’t get unresolved, resentments develop and fester and when that happens trust is lost.

    4. Learn to fight fair:
    You should know first that fighting is a part of any good marriage. The problem is not that couples fight but it is how they fight. Here are some important pointers to take into account to fight fair:

    * Keep to the issue at hand and never bring up old stuff that may be unresolved.

    * Never use phrases that are absolutes such as “You never” or “You always”

    * Never bring the other person’s family into the issue to support your case or to attack your spouse.

    * If the fight is getting out of hand, decide better to withdraw.

    * Avoid fighting later at night when you are both tired and so have less control over what to say.

    And again know that the key to building a strong relationship and trust is monitoring your behavior, monitoring what to say or do and having the skills to communicate well with the other.
     
  2. pendelton

    pendelton
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    abohadi, you are doing to develop a rep for good posts.

    I like this, and it is so true.

    Having done it the opposite way in marriage #1 I do this much much better for #2.
     
  3. Kay

    Kay
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    #3 Solve problems instantly is not a realistic expectation though. Maybe discuss problems ASAP, sure, but not all problems can be resolved with a quick fix and need long term changes to get to the point of resolution.
     
  4. Fergal

    Fergal
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    I particularly like the fight fair tips. Very good suggestions but difficult to implement when tempers rise.
     
  5. Kay

    Kay
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    One thing I read before on fighting fair was you should prefix what you say with " I feel...". Rather than saying "you never do this", you say I feel you never do this. Small change but it sounds less accusatory and no one can deny you what you feel and say you're wrong.
     
  6. Fergal

    Fergal
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    I'll try to remember that Kay. It could make a lot of disagreements a lot smoother. These tips could be used for lost of situations, not just communicating with partners.
     
  7. Kay

    Kay
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    It takes a bit of getting used to, Fergal, it really does. When I first started using it, it felt weird...fake almost. It was just too touchy feely for me, but now I do it almost all the time and it really does make a difference.

    Unless I'm really mad, then I forget LOL. Hey, nobody's perfect. :D
     
  8. Nazreen

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    Actually, there will always be fights in any kind of marriage, whether it's a good or bad one. Fighting fairly, I think, is a difficult thing to do. Most often, past events are even brought up and things that are unrelated to the fight or disagreement are also brought up. But knowing this, I do agree that we must remember the tips mentioned in your post.
     
  9. Kay

    Kay
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    I reading about this actually in a book I've to review on this subject (marital fights) and one of the main things it talks about it regurgitating old battles and how you need to avoid that. Usually the ones that keep getting brought up have never been resolved nor a compromise reached, which is why they keep coming up again.

    Until you sort the old ones out and agree that it's done and dusted and you both will move past it, you've little chance of tackling new issues without becoming embroiled in those as well, which complicates things even more and dilutes the discussion about the new issue. The air needs to be cleared over old grudges once and for all.
     

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