How do I motivate my girlfriend to get a better job?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement and Being Successful' started by mv5869, Mar 3, 2010.

  1. mv5869

    mv5869
    uix_expand uix_collapse
    Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2010
    Messages:
    147
    Likes Received:
    1
    Should I keep trying to motivate my girlfriend to get a better job, or should I leave it? She is a graduate with an MBA but has spent the last year working part-time in a library, which she doesn’t like and which means she is always broke. She tells me she is applying for jobs but I know she has only done 1 full job application in the last 2 months so she isn’t doing it very urgently.

    I want her to get a better job because I cant see a relationship with her if she doesn’t want to earn some cash to help pay bills, but when I try to motivate her it always ends in an argument.

    How can I make motivate her to apply? I know she wants a better job but she doesn’t seem to be willing to put enough effort in to get one.

    Thanks.
     
  2. seanstevens

    seanstevens
    uix_expand uix_collapse
    Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2009
    Messages:
    638
    Likes Received:
    2
    1. What kind of work does she want to do? Having spent 18 months out of work when I first left school I know it can be hard to adjust and sometimes that takes time and effort.

    2. This may sound harsh; do you love her as a person? as thinking about a relationship ending due to work or lack of it is a strange concept to me. My wife has not worked for the past 7 years and I would love for her to get a job to help pay bills, but it is not the end of life if she does not, she contributes to the relationship in ways I never could.
     
  3. JBMedia

    JBMedia
    uix_expand uix_collapse
    Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2009
    Messages:
    462
    Likes Received:
    88
    When I read the title, I already knew what to tell you. There's a fine line of what a person wants for themself. You can motivate her all you want, however, if she herself doesn't want a better job, it's not going to happen. Drive is something that comes from each individual in their own specific way. It sounds like your drive is a lot more than your girlfriends. Keep in mind though, even though you two are together, it doesn't mean you can overall change her decisions about the way she wants to do her own things.

    I always motivate people even if they don't want it, but that's just because of my personality. Believe it or not, out of the 100% of people I talk to and try to motivate with their ideas and aspects, only about 5% will listen. If she doesn't have the drive to get a better job, it more than likely won't happen, unfortunately.
     
  4. simplyjo

    simplyjo
    uix_expand uix_collapse
    Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2009
    Messages:
    555
    Likes Received:
    17
    I face the same issue with my guy. Talking and discussing various options AND telling them clearly you dont see a future with them coz of their lack of responsibility, should work. But dont just fight and argue, at times you have to be calm and explain things .
     
  5. ShawnLim

    ShawnLim
    uix_expand uix_collapse
    Member

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2009
    Messages:
    162
    Likes Received:
    2
    Maybe you should find out what she really wanted to do in the future since she doesn't like the job and you also wish she would get a better job as well.

    Very true. :)
     
  6. johndale

    johndale
    uix_expand uix_collapse
    Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2009
    Messages:
    200
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm sure she likes to do something for a living. Just support her and meet halfway.
     
  7. gtt

    gtt
    uix_expand uix_collapse
    Member

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2010
    Messages:
    189
    Likes Received:
    4
    I can relate to your story, MV5869. That makes a relationship being complex when there comes a money-related issue between the two of you. Most often, it's better to part ways rather than dealing with these things :)

    It must be true enough about a saying that goes like this : "If you cannot please a woman by giving her the MOON, the STARS, neither the SUN; then give her SPACE and MONEY"

    It really takes a lot of your patience and requires extra efforts motivating such stubborn people. Sorry about the term but I can really tell it's just the way it is. I'm not trying to be offensive guys, okay? Just being realistic here :)

    Cheers :)
    Gerry
     
  8. Fergal

    Fergal
    uix_expand uix_collapse
    Premium Member
    Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2007
    Messages:
    10,578
    Likes Received:
    1,163
    Gentle encouragement may be the best way forward, there is probably not much to be gained from pressurising your girlfriend, in fact it would most likely be counter-productive.

    You shouldn't underestimate your girlfriend's accomplishments to date. Obtaining an MBA is a great achievement and demonstrates that she is hard-working, dedicated and intelligent. Getting a part time job in a library might not be what you had both hoped for, but it is not something to be looked down on, especially in these difficult times.

    We all reach periods in our lives when we need time out and a break from pressure to give us the strength to move forward and to figure out where "forward" is for us. The last thing we need during these times is pressure from others.

    Good luck and best wishes to you and your girlfriend.
     
  9. mv5869

    mv5869
    uix_expand uix_collapse
    Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2010
    Messages:
    147
    Likes Received:
    1
    Thanks all for the advice. It really helps. I realise more now that it is a hard time for her too and what she needs is support. I should encourage her and help her without putting more pressure on her when she is already making effort to get a job (even if I think she could do even more).

    She actually has an interview today so fingers crossed.
     
  10. gtt

    gtt
    uix_expand uix_collapse
    Member

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2010
    Messages:
    189
    Likes Received:
    4

    Well, that's a good thing to hear that part, Mv5869. Hope for nothing but all the best :)

    Good luck to both you and thanks for sharing your story.

    Regards,
    --Gerry
     

Share This Page