How can I build more confidence?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement and Being Successful' started by An Alien, Mar 6, 2011.

  1. An Alien

    An Alien
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    I'm not a very social type of person and have very little confidence. I have worked outside now and have improved a little, but still sound a little weak when talking. I kinda get nervous when I'm having an unexpected conversation and don't know what to say. I think this is probably my worst weakness I have. Do you guys have tips on how I can change that?
     
  2. Matt

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  3. Fergal

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    I'd suggest trying to relax a little and not to take yourself too seriously. When you meet someone and enter into a conversation with them, think about that person and listen to what they are saying to you. This will help you to become more interested in them and hence ask good questions that will keep the conversation going. We are more likely to be nervous and feel uncomfortable when we are thinking about ourselves and what other people think about us. We become more relaxed when we shift our focus from ourselves to the person we are speaking to.

    The vast majority of people experience what you are going through, at some time in their lives. So try not to worry about it or feel self conscious because of it. The people you are speaking to, will hardly even notice it and there really is nothing for you to worry about in this regard.

    Remember also, as in all areas of life, practice makes perfect so engage in conversation at every opportunity, e.g. have a few words with the person serving you every time you go into a shop. You will eventually find that conversation comes easy to you and wonder why you ever worried about it.

    Is this something you experience generally or does it mostly affect you in certain situations, e.g. at work / business or in social situations.
     
  4. An Alien

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    Well, I experience it in school to, so generally.
     
  5. Fergal

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    An Alien, do you feel that the suggestions I gave can help?
     
  6. An Alien

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    Yes, those were helpful. Thanks Fergal.
     
  7. Hurbel2k

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    Well, then practice.

    You could go out on the street and ask random people for the time. Or ask them where is the train station, ....
    Once you manage this, go to the next level. Ask a random person of the opposite sex in a shop to help you choose some clothes. Not a person working there but another customer.
    You can think of other more difficult exercises.
     
  8. An Alien

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    Wow, that seems difficult. Lol.

    That's great advice, thanks.
     
  9. Hurbel2k

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    There are a lot of books and articles about becoming more confident.

    What is confidence? Confidence means, you know how to deal with a situation without even thinking about it. This might be tiny things, like when someones denies your request, or a bigger thing, like attending a meeting or spending an evening with a potential girl friend or giving a speech.

    I'm about a decade older than you and I can say one thing for certainty. Thinking about it theoretically won't help much. Expose yourself to situations that you are afraid of. Attend social gatherings. Go to church, go to a bar, go to a sports event. When there don't only talk to your friends, instead try to connect to new people. Do this repeatedly. It's an investement that will pay off eventually. It's a painful process. It's even unfair, because some people seem to have this ability without doing anything about it, while others seem to struggle. But the truth is, those people who can easily connect just learned it as babies or in the kindergarden by randomly meeting the right friends then.

    You first attempts probably will fail miserably. You start a conversation and after 1 minute you don't know how to carry on the conversation. Don't let this discourage you. Ask questions. "How do you feel about X". "Why do you feel this way?" Do something interesting, climb a mountain, attend a large sports event, make photos of local animals living in the nature, learn a language. Whatever you like. Then you can talk about it, how you feel about it.

    I had the same problem as you have now. Realizing that this problem exists is the first step. Well done. Now it's time for the next step, learn how to connect with people.
     
  10. An Alien

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    Awesome, I've noticed what you've said here is true and works. I started working and talking to customers that were strangers to me and I felt more confident about talking to people. But I still have a lot more confidence to gain. And I will definitely start following your advice and Fergal's. Thanks a lot guys.
     
  11. Beck

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    I think a great thing you can do is push yourself into social situations that would normally make you uncomfortable. This has helped me a lot. It's tough at first but in time, it becomes easier and easier.
     
  12. roger

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    There are seven ways you can build up your self confidence.

    1. The first step is be well dressed.

    2. the second step is try to walk fast as fast as you can.

    3. the third step is have a good posture try to maintained your body.

    4. the forth step is stand infront of the mirror and say something which gives you self confidence. like i can do it, i am no lesseer than anyone, i am the best, repeat these these kind of sentence 60 times in a day.

    5. the fifth step is to remove negativity from yourself start praising others, start giving good complements to others, this will remove negativity from yourself, and slowly slowly positivity will start coming in yourself.

    6. the sixth step is more people prefer to sit back because they are afraid of being noticed. this reflect a lack of self confidence. by deciding to sit in the front row you can remove all fear you have in yourself. this will help you to build a good confidence level in yourself.

    7. the seventh step is speak up in class, office, or where ever you are, don't sit quite. sitting quitely plays a major role in bringing lack of self confidence. if you want to increase level of self confidence in yourself you need to speak up.
     
  13. hetalhet

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    For me: The magic relies in honoring my words gives me confidence

    Means whatever I speak in day to day like, I try to follow it. That can be a small promise also. but to honor my words, if I have given promise to someone I complete it for sure. Also "honor to my words" always keeps me away from lying with someone because if I am lying to someone then I am not honoring to my words.

    It also works to fulfill self promises. I always decide my goals with giving my words and I do hard to chase them to honor my words. All these to gather makes me feel happy and satisfied with my self and that boost my confidence also. I do believe that people with truth do not need to built confidence, it automatically follows u.
     
  14. An Alien

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    Thanks a lot guys for the good advice. I will try my best to follow it.

    I've been just a quiet kid from the beginning. I am slowly getting better though :)
     
  15. Fergal

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    They are truly great tips and suggestions Roger thanks for sharing them with us. I'm a little surprised by the walk fast one, I've never thought of that before, but I can see how walking more assertively can give us more confidence.

    We generally think that our moods lead to certain actions, but it also works the other way round. For example, everyone knows that when we are happy we are inclined to smile and laugh. However, many people don't consider that when we make ourselves smile or laugh (even when we don't feel like it) that actually lifts our mood and helps make us happy. Ditto with our body language, when we act more confidently and adopt the posture and mannerisms of a confident person, this also helps us to feel more confident.
     
  16. Blake123

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    I guess you might join a foreign language club for example. there are some advantages here-
    all its members are in one position-they study how to use this or that language, so they all are a bit shy to some extent
    besides this new knowledge may be profitable for your business
     
  17. Casey

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    Ever tried talking in the mirror? It may sound a bit odd, but this is a good way to increase your confidence level!
     
  18. Fergal

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    I'd be interested to hear more on that, what exactly do you do, e.g. do you say positive things to yourself everyday?
     
  19. An Alien

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    lol, I've heard that before. You just try to imitate you talking with someone else and at the same time you see yourself you can improve your posture, the way you talk, and ultimately improve your confidence. I've never actually tried that myself cause I think it's pretty ridiculous.
     
  20. Fergal

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    Why do you say that? You can be sure successful speakers, business people, actors, etc practice in front of mirrors all the time.
     

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