Elevator Pitch to Angel Investors - Need Advice

Discussion in 'Growing and Managing a Business' started by grasshopper, Jan 10, 2014.

  1. grasshopper

    grasshopper
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    Drafting an Elevator Pitch to send to Angel Investors. Even after having read a ton of websites on how to do it, I'm still not sure since they all give slightly different information.

    I'm posting up here in the hopes I can get suggestions to improve it where necessary.

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    Hello, My name is Bob Jones. My company is a driving and traffic school seeking to expand into the online market, nationwide.

    We seed to provide state required drivers education and traffic violators school, Online

    Our customer base are Teens getting their license, adult drivers getting their first license or those wanting to brush-up on skills and all drivers ordered by the courts to attend traffic violators school.

    Having spent a combined total of 18 years in the driving and traffic school industry we have listened to our students describe about the lack of affordable, quality online drivers education and traffic school. Our Online driving and traffic school will be designed based on this feedback, using their suggestions and our experience to create a stress free, mobile-friendly class anywhere they go.

    It will be affordable, with a savings of up to 60% over our primary competition. Our products and services are Required by Law, making this a unique business with a very motivated market.

    Projected Company Value (Year 5) $62,527,873

    I'd like to schedule a time to talk more about our vision, send you our business plan, explore possible investment and how we may be able to work together.
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    Suggestions?
     
  2. RoseAb

    RoseAb
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    We seed should be We seek

    I'm certainly not an expert in writing these types of proposals. But I can give you my impression (if I saw this posted) I would make a stronger call to action at the end. Kind of assume someone will be very interested. If I was talking on phone I might say "When can we meet to go over the details?" Like first attempt to close a sale. I don't think you have to worry about coming on too strong--it's expected you will push to get them to act.

    It's my personal opinion that you should also say how much investment you are looking for. This will weed out those that don't even have that much money, some people won't take time to inquire just to find out how much you want, etc. Also by not stating this it seems you might be trying to hide it. Also probably say what you will use this money for but I assume it is to hire someone to develop the website.

    Maybe end with "Ask me why I believe/think it will grow so big and so fast.

    Like I said, I'm not an expert.
     
  3. bizwizgenie12

    bizwizgenie12
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    Hello,

    @RoseAb, @grasshopper, when a potential entrepreneur / business person/wannabe-business-person contrives/stage-manages a ride in the elevator with me from one floor to another, my guard immediately goes up. I have no option but to patiently wait for the elevator ride to end!

    What needs to be understood is that the marketeer does not have all the time in the world to deliver a well composed sales pitch sandwiched between a preamble and a call-to-action. There may be less than a minute - usually less - in which to execute the job of elevator-pitching. I can write a book on this interesting business strategy; but the general idea is to get the party "hooked" on the idea enough to get them to extend the ride... or at least grant you an audience at a more convenient time and place, which is usually their office.

    Hope this helps!

    Sanjay ~ corporate Guru
     
  4. RoseAb

    RoseAb
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    @bizwizgenie12, you are right that he should not call this an Elevator Pitch. I automatically called it a proposal. He does need something short to grab attention, but he said this was to send to investors, so I really think he wasn't at this time trying to make an elevator pitch.

    Perhaps something like; "We are going to change the way people learn to Drive Cars."
     
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